My university students—there are, let’s see, eighteen times six equals just over a hundred of them—think I’m the dullest human being ever to walk the earth. I am the tyrannosaurus of boring. I stomp into the classroom, roar good morning, and they yawn. I walk in and say, hey guys, guess what, even though the administration won’t let me, even though most of you don’t deserve it, I’m giving everyone here an A+ for the semester, and you guys are welcome to spend the next month of class using kakaotalk on your phones, which seems to be exactly what you want to do anyway, since every moment I turn my back every last one of you whips out your phone and thumbs ㅋㅋㅋ to your friends, boyfriends, and girlfriends, even though you know I can see you and you know (I’ve told you maybe a dozen times in English, Korean, Spanish, French, Korean, Chinese, American Sign Language, and Korean) you will lose a letter grade if you so much as glance at your phone—and they yawn. I say, good morning class, I have excellent news, I’m happy to announce that all of you will be receiving approximately one hundred dollars in cash, no strings attached, this very instant, and I open my fat wallet stuffed with greenbacks just for them, and they yawn. I come in and say, class, guess what! There’s eighteen brand new ferraris parked outside, look under your chairs, the keys are taped to the bottom, I spent half an hour this morning taping your fucking keys to your chairs! You get a car! And you get a car! And you get a car!
Yawns. Frowns. Stares that say, when’s this period over? Glances at the clock.